


loved and unloved

by sianas



Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, M/M, it's just belial being a lovesick mess and lowkey hating it, maybe anyways idk, this was an idea then it just became a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 05:46:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18543505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sianas/pseuds/sianas
Summary: It burned. It burned worse than fire, like something threatening to both turn him to ash and rip him apart. He was losing the one that mattered most to him and he could do nothing but watch as everything he once knew shattered, stray shards he attempted to keep intact cutting into his flesh, determined to get away from his hold.





	loved and unloved

**Author's Note:**

> i have no excuse for this i just wanted to write past belial being a (justified) melodramatic lovesick bastard

"Lucifer." The Maker's hand reached for the face so much like his own, such a gentle and slow motion as if he were worried of breaking the other.

The look-a-like only turned his gaze to a shared Creator, almost leaning into the touch as he made an inquisitive noise.

"You really are...my greatest creation. My magnificent Morningstar." His smile could rival even one from a god of beauty.

Ah, it took all the self control their unknown onlooker had within himself to not fall to his knees, to not let out the hollow gasp he'd forced back within himself.

Belial knew better than to peep in on Lucilius and Lucifer's private appointments, Lucilius always growing annoyed when either interrupted such things. But while Lucifer's had greatly increased as of late, Belial's had decreased at a similarly dramatic rate.

And now he knew why.

Bitterly he'd think, prying himself from the wall he'd hidden behind as he went down another hall, arm firmly pressed against his mouth as if in an attempt to stay as silent as possible. Desperately trying to keep any pathetic noises from slipping out.

He felt like he'd just been stabbed. Like he'd been run through on a pike, left hanging as his weight and gravity painfully made him slip down it every so few seconds. He could taste the blood rise up his throat and settle just beyond his lips.

It was an imaginary pain, but the only thing he had to compare what he felt as his fear became the reality he'd denied, the reality he tried to stop from happening.

In the beginning, Lucilius had been so nice to him. And Lucifer too. So kind and patient, a bit rough around the edges perhaps, but he was truly the only thing either would know for a long time. He was both their Creator and entire world. Perhaps even more so for Belial.

It'd been an innate fondness originally. Something soft yet warm, a feeling that always drove him to be around Lucilius and do anything he could for him. Anything to see that vague smile the Astral only ever showed around him and Lucifer, to be patted on the head and given a soft thank you.

Somewhere between 100 to 500 years later it had...changed. It became less of a desire to be helpful and more a need. Less a fondness and more want. An overwhelming emotion that racked his body with pain and pleasure alike, something disfigured and complex, dyed in multiple colors.

If his life spent watching the sky dwellers taught him anything, this was ‘ **Love** ', right?

And it wasn't a general love. He didn't love Lucilius in the way he once did, in the way Lucifer did, he loved him. Loved him more than anything else. Nothing else could make him fall to his knees in blind obedience. He looked at no one else like they were The Omnipotent itself. It was an intense and mind-boggling feeling and he all but relished in it. He desired nothing more than to have Lucilius love him the way he did said man. But just having his attention was enough.

Which is why the last few decades had been absolute hell.

Things were changing, projects were going into motion, this once peaceful haven had become crowded and overrun with obstacles of all kind. And the biggest one was Lucifer. Belial may have been a carefree man, but he was by no means a fool. He'd noticed how his and Lucifer's status seemed to change in Lucilius' eyes. How his opinion on things became second or outright ignored. How any affection the man may have had to give always gone to Lucifer now, no longer regarding them of equal importance.

It burned. It burned worse than fire, like something threatening to both turn him to ash and rip him apart. He was losing the one that mattered most to him and he could do nothing but watch as everything he once knew shattered, stray shards he attempted to keep intact cutting into his flesh, determined to get away from his hold. And the worst part is Lucilius had no idea, no thought as to if this change would cause harm.

Lucilius was a gifted man and Astral, he was the smartest of his entire research division and the one who made creatures who rose above mortal and immortal alike. But he had one, jarring flaw. For all the human emotion his inhuman creations possessed, he himself could never understand or show such a thing. He felt things certainly, Belial was positive of that much, but to say he had any...formal concept of feeling would be a lie. The man couldn't feel the way most could.

How he managed to make a being that felt so much for his maker while said man felt so little made him want to laugh. A bitter laugh, a hollow sound. How. How had Belial lost his affection while Lucifer all but gained every bit of it? They'd been made at the same time, taught the same things, so why? Why did their worth have to shift so vastly in their maker's eyes.

At this point, he'd rushed more than likely five hallways away from that ungodly scene. The rush of pure emotion sucking him dry of any will to stand much longer, plopping himself down on a nearby bench. He hadn't cried like he feared he might've, but he did certainly feel as if he had. His heart still beat at an irregular pace, chest heaving heavily, heart aching in a way he was unfamiliar with.

Holding his head in his hands he could do nothing but let out a tired laugh. Or maybe it was a sob. He couldn't tell much anymore, his body growing numb as this godforsaken emotional high died down.

"Stupid ‘Cilius. Why do you have to be so…" He trailed off, unable to stand the sound of his own voice. It was pathetic and fragile sounding. The pain was quickly going from a silent sorrow to a tranquil fury. Why did he have to come so undone from such a simple thing? Why did seeing Lucilius display any kind of fondness to Lucifer have to wound him so. Of course, Lucifer was perfect! He‘d been made to be perfect, a being without flaw. Anyone with a title like Supreme Primarch should be picture perfect. And it wasn't like ‘Cilius had said anything bad about him, he was just showing the care and pride a Creator ought to their creation.

But that smile...it was so different from the one he showed Belial.

"Ahhh, why couldn't he just have made us as unfeeling as him…!"

"Made who just as unfeeling?"

Belial practically screamed at the sudden voice coming from a bit off to his side, and the very man he'd rather not see right now no less! Why did he have to be so small and quiet…

"I didn't-" At a loss for words, and having to deal with his heart beat fast again when it'd finally calmed down, Belial kept his crimson eyes away from the icy blue gaze of the man. Even without looking he felt as though he were being examined.

"Have you been crying, Belial?" His voice was rough as ever, yet it held an inquisitive sound to it. Like he was determined to get a confirmation or not. "Did you get hurt?"

Yeah, in the worst way possible. A pain an ice cold man like you would never get.

He kept those words to himself. Only letting out a soft no as he further shifted away from the man's view. Or hoped too anyways. He hadn't quite anticipated Lucilius just stepping closer to him and tugging on his face like he were some child. "‘C-Cilius, that hurts!"

"Quit your fidgeting, I'm trying to see your face-"

"Just **_stop it_**!" Unconsciously Belial raised a hand to pull away Lucilius' own from his face. His anger from seconds prior manifesting just a tad in the split second glare he gave the man before him.

That seemed to catch the Astral more than a bit off guard. His usual sleepy gaze becoming shocked just a tad. He didn't seem to have expected Belial to snap at him like that, and why should he? Of all the primals thus far, he was the most obedient.

"You're positive you haven't been crying?"

"I'm positive."

He didn't seem to buy it. But he at least had enough sense to only give a look of doubt before quickly changing the topic. "Tomorrow at noon, I want you to come by the main lab. I got done with some plans with Lucifer just now that concern the newest primals, and I need to go over them with you."

Of course, once anything got approved by Mr. Perfect his opinion never mattered.

"Why not just go over them now? Wouldn't it be better t- Hey! What're y-" Quickly Lucilius had gone from standing to taking a seat beside the primal, scooting ever closer to his side.

"Because I just realized I haven't slept in the last 78 hours and don't think…" Don't think were the perfect last words he could've uttered before going into what would likely be an only five hour coma. And one spent resting against him no less.

It took so much self-restraint to not just groan as loudly as possible, this day just a massacre on him and his entire being. His face looking down at the sleeping Astral's own all but telling of his irritation. It would soon give way to something much softer, bitter and almost loving. He'd been so angry at the one currently resting his head on his shoulder just minutes ago, yet now he was forgetting it.

It was being overridden by that disgusting love again. It wasn't the hurtful love anymore, it was the one he could never get enough of. Nothing would be able to end this disfigured infatuation. Not even the fear he would one day lose the love of his personal god.

A lovesick sigh, hands gently brushing messy yet soft silver locks.

"I love you, you know? I love you, **I love you**. More than anything else, ‘Cilius." _and I wish sometimes I didn't._


End file.
